I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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