You just made me feel so damn special
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
