Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
