Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm jealous of your bromance
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
