I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
