i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
