never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
