im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
