it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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