im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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