Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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