You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
