Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
