this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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