Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
