May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
