idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
