she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
