She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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