your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
