ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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