I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize