you would pick up someone in the library
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
