I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
