Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
