Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
