You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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