I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
