so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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