I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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