Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
