my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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