sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
