i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
