I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
