Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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