gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
