when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
