How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
