we have officially lost it.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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