I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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