Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
