It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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