I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
