Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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