so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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