I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
never play flip cup with pint glasses
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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