I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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