She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
did you just send me my own nude
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
