drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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