are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I don't deserve a penis
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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