Someone shit on the floor
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
