can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
