If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
