when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
