we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The air was thick with penises
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
