Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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