happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
