What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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