I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
