She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
