Me. At least after what I've been through.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
