So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
