this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
