Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
