I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
two words...techno handjob
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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