Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
