Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize