The maid of honor just puked.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Do vagina's smell?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Verdict: uncircumcised.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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