i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I am naked and annoyed.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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