We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
