He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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