He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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