yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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