she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
