please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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